I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
