I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
