we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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