Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Operation Purity has been aborted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
