Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
