Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
