I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
