I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
