Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
