I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
