Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
