It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
