Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
