I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
