his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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