I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
