so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
