Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
