I wish my penis had an off switch
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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