I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need to align my fucking chakras
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