I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
