Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
