We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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