i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
