When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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