When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize