he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
