It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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