You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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