She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
