I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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