butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
