God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
