omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize