If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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