Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
