So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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