yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
