Soap is not a condiment
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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