we're chasing vodka with high fives
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
