gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
