sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize