Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
