Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
