It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
