Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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