weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
