two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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