I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
