i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
