You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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