Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
