I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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