The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
