Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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