Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
