Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
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Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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