He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
