Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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