Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
