Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
