he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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