Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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