we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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