I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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