mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
