how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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