my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
