you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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