I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
